


Two Sides to Every Story

by Lyri



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, M/M, Mentions of Underage, Mentions of graphic violence, Mentions of homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3453170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyri/pseuds/Lyri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared and Jensen were high school sweethearts, destined to be together for the rest of the their lives, until one awful day changed everything. </p>
<p>Now it's three years later, and Jared's starting UC Berkeley, and he hasn't spoken to Jensen since that fateful afternoon. But all that's about to change when he finds out that not only is Jensen also at UC Berkeley, but his new roommate is one of Jensen's best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Sides to Every Story

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on my Live Journal - sweet_lyri - four years ago, I'm just finally in the process of moving everything over here, so I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> At the beginning of this fic, Jared is 15 while Jensen is 17. There's nothing graphic that happens nor are they actually seen, but I feel that it should be mentioned.

**Prologue**

Jared turns around as soon as he hears the door to the art room open. Justin grins at him as he enters the room, but it’s not friendly or even polite and Jared feels his heart beat kick up a notch.

 

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be in here,” he tries to tell the captain of the lacrosse team, but Justin just shakes his head and steps further into the room.

 

It’s then that Jared notices the rest of the lacrosse team filing into the classroom behind their captain, all of them with sneers on their faces. He spots Jensen at the very back of the crowd, and the expression on the senior’s face wavering somewhere between nausea and rage.

 

“What’s going on?” he asks, wanting answers even as Milo and Mark circle around behind him. It’s almost like they’re caging him in and suddenly everything makes a sickening kind of sense.

 

“You can’t play for both teams,” Justin says with a funny sort of laugh, and Jared’s pretty certain that the statement wasn’t directed at him. “It’s time to choose.”

 

“I told you, I already did.” Jared’s eyes flick to Jensen as he spits the words out, and he’s shocked at the look of utter hatred on the older boy’s face. Jared didn’t think he could be capable of such a horrible expression, but it’s there, clear as day, and Jared can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, because he knows what’s happening here.

 

He knew it was too good to be true for a senior to be interested in a scrawny little sophomore like Jared. He’s spent the last year waiting for the other shoe to drop, and now it has, in the middle if Ms. Smith’s art room on a Friday afternoon.

 

Justin crosses the floor until he’s standing right in Jared’s space, and Jared has just enough coherent thought left to register the fact that he’s still holding a paintbrush in his hand and he’s dripping green paint onto the floor.

 

Justin smiles at Jared. “You had to see this coming, Jared. That was the plan after all.”

 

The last thing Jared sees before Justin punches him in the face is Jensen running out the door.

**Chapter 1**

Jared Padalecki finds a photograph at the back of his closet when he pulls out all his clothes to decide what he’s taking with him.

He’s leaving for college in less than a week and he already told his mom that he had everything packed before she flew out this morning with his sister. They’re having some sort of girly-bonding time in California, while Jared and his daddy are driving Jared’s car to UC Berkeley and then his parents and sister are flying home together.

Jared can’t wait. He can’t wait to finally get away from this God forsaken town, away from the stares and the whispers.

He flops down onto his bed and stares at the photo, at the two smiling happy boys staring back at him, one of whom has been the cause of all of Jared’s problems for the last three years.

He wants to throw the photo away, to tear it up into tiny little pieces and burn them until there’s nothing left.

Instead, he smiles at the picture, at how the boys are squished together in one of those self-taken photographs, the camera held at arm’s length. It’s a silly shot, taken on a hot day when the two of them were hanging out in Jared’s backyard. It wasn’t like they could hang out anywhere public after all.

Jared sighs and slips the photo into one of his sketch pads and puts it into one of the boxes that are waiting in a pile for his dad to load into the car.

It’s not like it’ll be the only picture of Jensen Jared will be taking with him to California. He still has one of those photo booth pictures in his wallet.

It just doesn’t change anything.

<*>

Jensen Ackles pushes open the door to the bar and raises his middle finger when his friends all start whistling and cat calling as soon as they spot him. They never change, and it’s not like he ever expects them to, but just once it would be nice not to have all the attention focused on him.

He makes his way to the bar and orders a pitcher from Paul, the same bartender who’s worked at _Wesley’s_ for the whole three years Jensen and his friends have been coming here.

Steve once entertained the idea that Paul owned the place, then Danneel pointed out that Paul hasn’t changed his shoes in three years, so that idea was dismissed pretty fast.

Paul sets the pitcher of beer in front of Jensen and an empty glass and Jensen hands over his cash, telling him to keep the change, before he picks up both and winds his way through the tables to the booth his friends have taken over in the back.

A voice in the back of his head that sounds suspiciously like his mother is scolding him for driving straight to the bar before going to the apartment to unpack, but he bats it away like an annoying fly and sits down next to Genevieve.

Chad has a bottle of Coke sitting in front of him, and from the scowl on his face, it’s obvious he’s DD, so Jensen hands over his keys.

“This is fucking shit, man,” he gripes, snatching the keys from Jensen’s hand and stuffing them in his pocket.

“Them’s the brakes, kid,” Chris tells him, taking the pitcher from Jensen and filling his own glass. “’S what happens when you’re the youngest of the group.”

Chad perks up at that, sitting up straighter in his chair and Jensen narrows his eyes at the pleased look the soon-to-be sophomore is sporting.

“Not anymore, man.”

The rest of the assembled people are about to start their junior and senior years, Mike heading into grad school, and they’re all giving Chad the same frightened, wary expression Jensen is sure he’s wearing.

“Did you meet Dr. Who or something this summer?” Mike asks. Kristin is sitting in his lap. Jensen’s not sure that she’s left his lap since they hooked up last Christmas.

Danneel says he’s only waiting until Kristin graduates so that he can propose. Jensen thinks it’s way too fast.

Chad rolls his eyes, glaring at Mike. “Don’t be an asshole, Rosenbaum.” He gives the older man a hard shove, but then that blinding grin is back and yeah, Jensen’s looking for the nearest exit.

“I got a freshman roommate.”

The whole table is silent until Sophia lifts her hand from around her glass and smacks Chad upside the head.

“OW! What the fuck was that for?” Chad exclaims, rubbing at his head.

“For being so monumentally stupid that you would think that having a freshman roommate would be a good thing.” Sophia takes his Coke away.

“What? It is a good thing! Think of all the crazy shit I can make him do in the name of fitting in at UC Berkeley!”

Chris shakes his head. “No, you’ll spend the next four months answering all of his inane questions and dragging him along to our parties, where he will embarrass us to the nth degree, and we will disown you for inflicting him on our lives.” He pauses. “Basically, he will be Chad 2.0.”

“What? Man, that is harsh. I’m so not hanging out with you anymore.” He huffs and folds his arms across his chest, ignoring them.

He doesn’t last long. Forty-five seconds later, he’s looking at Chris and chewing on his lower lip. “Dude, who did you disown?”

“Misha,” Jensen answers for Chris, whose tongue is otherwise occupied with playing tonsil hockey with Steve.

“Misha graduated,” Chad argues.

“And he lives, like, three minutes from here. Do you see him anywhere?”

“No,” Chad says slowly and Jensen laughs.

“No, because we ousted him from the group for leaving us to deal with your sorry ass for next three years.”

Chad blushes and turns his attention to Sophia, trying to get his Coke back.

Everyone else is occupied. Chris and Steve look like they’re about to start fucking right there at the table, Kristin and Mike not far behind them. Danneel and Genevieve are talking about their up-coming classes. They’re both psych majors, and Jensen doesn’t understand how two people so giggly and girly can have the brains to study psychology. Jensen gets a headache just looking at the textbooks they leave lying around the house they share with Jensen, Chris, and Steve.

With everyone else otherwise engaged, it leaves Jensen alone with his thoughts, something he tries to avoid at all costs. It only leads to him getting depressed about things he can’t change or fix and then he has to go home and cry and eat Genevieve’s ice-cream.

“Hey.”

Jensen looks up, startled out of his thoughts before they have a chance to travel down that road, to find a girl standing next to his chair. She looks nervous, wringing her hands and shooting hesitant looks back over her shoulder.

Jensen follows her gaze and sees a group of three other girls sitting at the bar, whispering and laughing amongst themselves as they watch their friend and Jensen knows what’s going on before the girl even opens her mouth.

“I’m Elisabeth,” she says. Her accent is different, not what Jensen’s used to, and it’s intriguing. “I was just wondering if I could, um, buy you a drink? Maybe?”

Yeah, Jensen knew this was where it was headed. Behind him, the whole table has gone quiet and he knows they’re staring at him.

“I’d love to, sweetheart,” he tells her, using all the Texas charm his mother ingrained in him, “but I’m actually seeing somebody.”

Even after three years, it still doesn’t feel like a lie and Jensen wonders just when exactly he’s going to get over the guy who told him he never wanted to see Jensen’s ugly face again, and if that didn’t help him get over it, he doesn’t know what will.

Elisabeth’s face falls a little but she still manages to give him a tight smile. “Figures a guy as good looking as you would have a steady girl on your arm.” She casts her eyes around the table, as if trying to decide if she has to pummel Genevieve, Danneel or Sophia to get to Jensen. Not that it would matter, the girls can more than hold their own. Hanging out with Chris and Mike, they’ve had to learn how.

Jensen grins at her. “Steady guy.”

Her eyes grow wide. “OH! Oh, you’re...you’re...” It’s like she can’t say the word, so Jensen helps her out.

“Gay? Yeah. Pretty much my whole life.”

“Oh, that’s...wow.” She jerks a thumb over her shoulder. “So, I’m gonna go. Back to my friends. Um...bye.”

She practically runs across the bar in her high heels, like she’s scared of catching something if she hangs around much longer.

Jensen laughs and turns back to the table just in time for Genevieve to smack him upside the head.

He figures it’s only because she’s sitting next to him and Chris is all the way across the table.

Everyone is glaring at him and Jensen feels his face flush.

“I know, okay? I know, so just shut the fuck up and drink your damn beer.”

“Coke,” Chad corrects.

“Whatever.”

<*>

UC Berkeley is not what Jared expected.

At all.

It’s huge and bright and, like, sprawling, and there are hundreds if not thousands of students milling around, some directing people to where they’re supposed to be, but most of them just look young and lost and out of place.

Jared is, technically, a year older than the other freshmen, having been made to repeat his sophomore year of high school because he missed the last four months due to...events he’d rather not think about.

But his age doesn’t mean he feels anymore confident that the other freshmen, and right now, climbing out of his car, he just feels like he wants to get right back in and drive right back to Texas.

Except the whole point of this was to escape Texas and everyone in it, so Jared takes a deep breath and makes his way towards Cunningham Hall, where his dorm room is.

He leaves his parents standing at the elevator while he gets in line for the registration desk. His mother is making noises about not liking the look of the campus, or the dorm, but Jared tunes her out. It’s not like he let her talk him out of coming here when he accepted his placement, so he’s not going to let her start trying now.

The line shuffles along at a snail’s pace but then finally he makes it to the rows of tables and the distressed looking RA’s that are standing behind them.

A short, blonde girl, who Jared thinks is kind of cute, is bent over a clipboard, a pen dangling from the corner of her mouth.

“I swear to God, the next time Jen says ‘Hey, I’ve got an idea’ remind me to run far, far away,” she grumbles to the dark-haired girl sitting next to her.

There are other people grouped around the table, other RA’s Jared supposes, but these two seem to be ignoring them all and only talking to each other and he wonders if they’re friends.

The brunette laughs. “Come on, Kristin, you have to admit, it was a pretty good idea. Free accommodation and your own room. Think of all the fun you and Mike can have in there when you’re not working.”

“Which seems to be every fucking day of the week if this schedule is to be believed,” the blonde, Kristin, gripes. “Plus, Mike has his own apartment, which is where I was supposed to be living! Not stuck here chasing after freshmen idiots and Chad.”

Jared clears his throat and she looks up. She has the grace to blush, but Jared isn’t all that annoyed. He’s more amused than anything else, and he wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to get to know Kristin, because she seems pretty funny.

Kristin groans and drops her head into her hands. “I’m gonna kill Jen. And by extension, Chris and Steve. And possibly Danneel and Genevieve, too.”

The other girl laughs. “You’re gonna massacre the whole house just ‘cause Jen persuaded you to apply to be an RA?”

“Yes, and then I can move into their house.” She takes a deep breath and looks up. “Possibly taking this guy with me, ‘cause I’ve been so rude I need to bribe him with something so that he knows I’m not a complete bitch.”

Jared laughs. “How about you make sure I get into my room before my roommate shows up so that I can claim the good side of the room and we’ll call it even?”

She sticks out her hand. “Done. I’m Kristin, by the way. Or Kristin Bell, if you want to be all official and shit. I’m one of the RA’s here, obviously.” She looks back down at her clipboard. “And you are?”

“Jared Padalecki.”

She scans the list with her pen until she finds his name, then she lets out another laugh. “Ha, Chad. He’s a friend of ours, and he’s still catching Z’s on the floor of our friends’ house, so you’re golden until at least four.”

Jared frowns. That’s twice now that they’ve referred to Chad, and Jared isn’t stupid, he knows his new roommate is a sophomore called Chad Michael Murray, but the way these girls are talking about him, Jared’s starting to think he’s gotten the short straw on the roommate front.

“So, you guys know Chad?” he asks as he hands over his ID so that Kristin can make sure he is who he says he is.

“Yep,” the brunette says, popping the ‘p’. “Biggest douche you could ever hope to meet. But an awesome friend, loyal to a fault. Do anything for ya.”

Kristin nods in agreement. “Seriously, he drove all the way to Vegas last year to pick up the boys when they got arrested for being drunk and disorderly. You’ll be okay with Chad.”

“But, if he can’t be bothered to get up early enough for orientation, then it sucks to be him.”

Jared lets out a relieved breath, taking his key and paperwork from Kristin.

“So, I’m gonna be your RA this year,” Kristin tells him with a bright smile. “You can come talk to me about anything, anytime my doors open, I’m free. And later on, after all this craziness has died down, I’ll come check on you, give you my number, just in case.”

Jared smiles and shakes her hand. “Awesome. Thanks.”

The brunette extends her hand. “I’m Sophia. I’m an RA, too, fifth floor, but I’m also Chad’s best friend, so you’ll see me around.”

Jared’s smile gets wider, and suddenly he doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

His parents help him get all of his stuff up to his room on the fourth floor, his mom a little worried over the fact that he picked the bed and desk that are on the farthest side of the room, and how did he know that his roommate wouldn’t like that bed?

Jared just laughs and shakes his head, refusing to tell her about what the girls said downstairs, because he’s pretty sure RA’s aren’t supposed to talk about their residents like that.

Best friends or not.

<*>

When Jensen comes out of his bedroom some indeterminate amount of time after normal people have left their bedrooms, Chad is sprawled out on his stomach on the living room the floor. He has the coverlet that’s supposed to go on his dorm bed draped haphazardly over him, but it’s really only covering his ass at this point.

Which Jensen thinks is a good thing, considering he can’t tell if Chad is wearing clothes or not.

He leaves the idiot where he is for the mean time and goes to the kitchen for coffee. His favorite mug is sitting by the coffee pot next to a piece of pink paper with hearts and a smiley face drawn on it. Jensen’s girls are awesome.

He pours his coffee, black as always, and goes back to the living room to deal with his Chad-shaped problem.

He prods Chad in the side with his toes and takes great delight watching Chad lift his head to tell him to fuck off, then promptly slam his face back into the carpet. There’s no pillow under his head.

Jensen laughs hysterically. At least Chad’s awake now.

The younger boy struggles to sit up, pulling the comforter around him to keep his bits to himself and Jensen gets the answer to his question. Chad is in fact naked.

“Dude, why are you waking me up at ass o’clock in the morning and trying to make me give myself a broken nose?” Chad asks.

“First, it’s ass o’clock in the afternoon, you little roach, and second, you were supposed to have orientation today,” Jensen points out. “You know? Go meet you wonderful new freshman roommate?”

Chad looks like he wants to face plant back into the floor and thinks better of it at the last second. “Bribed Sophia to register for me and get my key so that I can just show up later. It’s gonna be so awesome having her living in the same building.” He sighs almost wistfully.

“No trying to get into her pants again,” Jensen scolds. “That was weird and uncomfortable for almost everyone.” He says ‘almost everyone’ because Chris and Steve generally don’t give a shit.

Chad just snorts and stands up, holding the coverlet around him.

“Why are you sleeping on the floor anyway? I thought you’d decided to sleep on the couch after Danneel said you couldn’t have her bed anymore?”

Usually, when Chad needs somewhere to crash, Danneel will share with Jensen and Chad will take her bed. Jensen doesn’t really want to know for what reasons Danneel decided Chad couldn’t have her bed anymore.

“I caught Chris and Steve fucking on that couch when I got here last week.” Chad’s voice floats from the kitchen. “I love you guys, and I have no problems that you love other dudes.” He appears in the doorway with a mug in his hand and a scathing look on his face. “Or _dude_ , in your case.”

Jensen feels his face flush, and he’s not having this conversation with Chad, of all people. It’s bad enough when Chris comments on it.

“But,” Chad continues, “that does not mean I want to see it, or know about, and after what I saw, I am permanently scarred and I’m never going near that couch again.”

Jensen thinks about this for a second, then nods his head. “I see your point.”

It’s quiet for a while as Jensen goes through the mail someone left on the table by the front door, then he takes his coffee and the morning paper back into the kitchen and sits down at the table.

Chad follows him like a lost puppy.

“So,” he says as he boosts himself up onto the kitchen counter. Jensen makes a mental note to clean it before he starts on dinner.

“So what? Why are you still here? Go shower already. I’ll let you use Chris and Steve’s bathroom if you promise not to tell them.” Really, he just wants to get rid of Chad as quickly as possible. He loves the guy, but only in moderation, and he’s been here for a week already.

Chad just shakes his head and sips from his mug. “So since we’re on the subject of gay romance, let’s talk about yours.”

Jensen groans and thumps his head against the table, the paper crinkling in his hands. Apparently, he is having this conversation with Chad.

“Chad, please,” he mumbled to the wood.

“No, because, Jensen, no offense, but it’s weird.”

Jensen knows it’s weird. He’s had to listen to Chris and Steve and Danneel telling him it’s weird for the last three years. Chad joining the group last year and telling him now does not make this news any less old.

Or relevant.

It’s not like he can change how he feels. Jensen’s heart belongs to Jared, it always has and it always will.

Jensen just doesn’t know what to do about that fact right now, considering Jared’s hundreds of miles away in Texas.

Jensen was supposed to have a plan. He was going to go away to college for a while, leave Jared to cool down and get better while Jensen healed his own injuries.

But ‘a while’ turned into a year, and then another and another, and suddenly, Jensen doesn’t know what to say anymore, doesn’t know how to talk to this boy who’d been such a huge part of his life. Who was supposed to be a huge, _permanent_ part of his life.

“It’s just, you get so many people hitting on you when we go out, and you always tell them that you’re seeing someone, yet none of us has actually met this guy.” Jensen had no idea Chad was still in the room, let alone still talking.

He moves his head just enough to be able to see the blonde while keeping his head on the table.

“Can you just explain it to me?” he pleads. “Please?”

Jensen laughs, but it’s humorless, even to his own ears. “How can I? When I can’t even explain it to myself.”

Chad wrinkles his nose. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“None of this makes sense, isn’t that what you just got done telling me?”

Chad just continues to look at him and Jensen sighs.

“I was dating this guy, back in high school. He was two years younger than me and neither of us was out. It wasn’t like I wanted to keep it a secret, I loved him, I still love him, but it was Texas. Not the best place to be out and proud.”

Jensen can see Chad wince from where he’s sitting, knows exactly the second Chad gets it.

“Let me guess, some fucked-up Texas hicks saw you guys making out our something and decided they took offense.”

Jensen nods, because that’s almost exactly what happened. “Yeah, and those Texas hicks were supposed to be my friends.”

“Shit, Jensen,” Chad breathes.

“After they got done beating the shit out of us, my boyfriend told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, wanted nothing more to do with me. His parents wouldn’t let me see him, and I was graduating, had finals and stuff, so after a few weeks I stopped trying to see him.” He looks up at Chad, straightens in his chair. “I didn’t give up on him, on us, I could never do that, but I promised myself I wasn’t gonna try again until I could make something of myself, be the person he deserved.” He laughs again. “It wasn’t supposed to take this long.”

“You haven’t spoken to him again? Not once?”

Jensen shrugs. “Haven’t been back to Texas, he changed his cell and email, what was I supposed to do?”

Chad looks seriously pissed and Jensen thinks he’s missed some part of this conversation.

“I dunno, Jen, try maybe? You’ve been living with a fantasy for three years, trying to prove that you’re good enough for this guy when he obviously doesn’t give a shit. Maybe it’s time you just moved on and tried to forget about him.”

Jensen smiles. “You forget, oh, new member of the group, I’ve already heard all of this from everyone else. Still doesn’t make it any easier.”

Chad gawps at him. “So, you’re just gonna moon over this guy for the rest of your life?”

“No,” Jensen snorts. “I’m going graduate college, be somebody in this world, and then prove to him that I’m still the same person he fell in love with. No matter what he thinks I might have done, I’m gonna prove to him that it wasn’t me.”

Seems a pretty solid plan to him.

“Soon as I get the balls to do it.”  


**Chapter 2**

Jared has just finished hooking his computer to UC Berkeley’s email system – why are they so complicated again? – when there’s a thump at his door.

“OW!” someone yells from the other side. “Fuck, Chad! You said it was open!”

“You said my roommate was inside!” someone else yells back.

Jared gets up from his desk and unlocks the door, pulling it open. Sophia’s standing out in the hallway, holding a cardboard box tucked under one arm. She’s rubbing at her nose, and Jared guesses she must have had the box held high in her arms and walked into it when it bounced off his locked door.

He winces in sympathy and maybe a little guilt.

“Sorry,” he says, taking the box from her. “I, uh, I’ve had…I don’t like leaving doors unlocked.” He feels like an idiot for saying it, for making this girl he’s just met think he’s nothing but a child.

Sophia cocks her head to one side. “Lemme guess, mugging?”

Jared blushes, but Sophia’s story sounds better than the truth, so he plays along. “Yeah, couple years ago.”

Sophia nods in sympathy. “You know you can talk to your RA about anything. We’re sorta here to listen. And, you know, you don’t always have to stick to your own RA. You can come see me anytime.”

“Hey, sweetheart? How about you stop flirting with the new guy and get into the fucking room? These boxes are fucking heavy.”

It’s only then that Jared remembers the other voice he heard and he looks past Sophia to see a blonde guy struggling under the weight of two more boxes.

“Oh, shit, let me help you.” He sets down the box he’d taken from Sophia and rushes to help the guy, who he assumes must be his roommate, Chad.

Chad sets his box down on the empty bed and takes a deep breath. “Alright. Locked door. Noted.” He frowns. “We should come up with some kind of code to let each other know when we’re home or not. In case one of us wants to bring a chick back.”

As Jared blushes with embarrassment yet again, Sophia lifts the white board from the hook on the outside of the door and hits Chad over the head with it. He takes it from her, studying it like it’s a foreign concept.

“Awesome! We didn’t have these last year.”

“You were in a different dorm last year, douche,” Sophia points out.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Um, I don’t think I’m gonna need that anyway,” Jared stammers. “I don’t…I mean I’m not…”

Chad shoulders slump. “Are you gay?”

“Well, yeah, actually, but that’s not what I-”

Chad ignores them, turning a pleading look on Sophia. “Seriously, do I, like, attract them? The gay people, I mean. Three out of four of my male best friends are batting for the other team, and now my new roommate is as well. There has to be something, right?”

Jared feels himself grow pale. This was what he was afraid of, coming to college and having a homophobic roommate who was going to ask for a transfer within three minutes. He’d planned to keep it quiet, but Chad had put him on the spot, thanks to Jared’s incessant babbling, and now he’s screwed.

“Chad,” Sophia scolds, “you’re being insensitive.”

Chad spins to look at Jared, and from the look on his face, Jared must look pretty devastated.

“Oh, shit, no, man, it’s so not like that. I really, really don’t have anything against you being gay. Seriously, nothing. Like I said, three of my best friends are gay. I even walked in on two of them doing the nasty on the couch last week.”

Sophia wrinkles her nose. “Ew, gross. And I really hope you mean Chris and Steve, ‘cause the other options don’t bare thinking about.”

Chad laughs. “If it was any of those other options, someone would be dead right now.”

“Very true.”

“So, uh, you really don’t have a problem with it?” Jared hedges.

Chad shakes his head and waves a hand. “Dude, no, no way. I’d never have a problem with that. I mean, I don’t exactly see the attraction myself, but, hey, as long as you’re not a closet furry, we’re all good.”

Jared lets out a relieved laugh. “Thanks, man. And, just so you know, I won’t be bringing anyone back here. I’m not really dating at the moment. I sorta had this bad break up a while ago, and I’m still not over it, so, yeah. But we can have a system for you.”

Chad sighs. “Another gay boy with relationship issues. Swear, I’m gonna start charging money as your counselor. Maybe I could stick the two of you in a room together and you could work it out with each other.” He grins. “Maybe you’ll even hit it off.” He bounces on his toes. “Oh, I could be a match-maker! Awesome!”

Jared shakes his head. “Thanks anyway, man, but I’m not really in the right head space to be set up with anyone, whether they have their own relationship issues or not.”

Chad deflates a little. “Fine. But I’m still introducing you at some point. ‘cause I think you’d get along.”

“Speaking of our other lovely gay boys,” Sophia butts in, “where are they and why aren’t they helping you?”

“Our illustrious leader got called into work just before I walked out the door, and that was ten seconds after he was told he had lacrosse practice at eight in the morning.”

Sophia winces. “Okay, so, he’ll be pissy. I’m making a mental note to meet him with coffee and chocolate when he’s done.”

“He’ll want to marry you, fair warning.”

Sophia shrugs. “What about the other two?”

“Fucking? What else do they do when they aren’t busy? They’ve been holed up in their room all summer. Seriously, it’s starting to smell, Soph.”

Sophia nodded. “Note to self: do not go near the house anytime soon.” She sighs. “And Kristin took off for Mike’s as soon as we were finished here, even though she’s supposed to stick around and she knows it, which leaves yours truly to help you haul all your stuff up here.” She glares at him. “You so owe me.”

Jared laughs when Chad swallows hard. The older boy pulls Jared in front of him like a shield.

“If I ask Jared to help can I owe you less?”

“You just met him!”

“I’ll do it anyway if you promise to stop fighting like an old married couple and putting me in the middle. I feel like the little kid watching mommy and daddy argue.”

Chad steps in front of Sophia, grabbing her by the shoulders.

“See?! Even the new guy thinks we belong together!”

<*>

The whiny drone coming from his nightstand digs into Jensen’s subconscious and drags him out of dreamland against his will.

He reaches out and hits the snooze button before rolling over and burying himself beneath the comforter again, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t make himself fall back to sleep and the dream from which he was pulled alludes him.

With a deep sigh, Jensen gives up on the Dream Jared he was having some fun with and sits up, blinking in the dull morning light.

His alarm clocks blinks at him, telling him it’s just after seven in the morning, giving him just enough time to shower and have some coffee before he’s expected at the practice field.

Coach Morgan really is a sadist.

Rolling out of bed, he stumbles across his neatly organized room to open the drapes, cursing under his breath at being back in his old routine after a summer of nothing but sun, sea, and the life guard job he managed to land at a beach not far away.

It’s not that Jensen doesn’t want to be in college, doesn’t want to finish his degree, he’s already been offered an apprenticeship with UC Berkeley’s physical therapy department after all.

It’s just, lately, Jensen can’t help but feel like there’s somewhere else he’s supposed to be, something else he’s supposed to be doing.

He came to terms with living his life without Jared a long time ago, but he never gave up on some day proving to the younger boy that they still had that spark that made them so great in the first place. He still thinks about Jared every day, and, as he trudges to the shower, his mind drifts there again.

He wonders what Jared’s doing now, where he is, which college he chose, if he got the art scholarship he was always pinning his hopes on. He’d be a sophomore now, and Jensen knows it wouldn’t be hard to find out which school he was at. A simple word to his parents, asking them to enquire around town, and he’d know, he’d be able to finally start planning how to get Jared back in his life.

But Jensen still has nothing to show for himself, nothing to prove to Jared that they could be happy together, settled, and wasn’t that supposed to be Jensen’s plan? Have his life set out before he tried to win Jared back?

He wishes he knew what happened back then, why Jared turned away from him. No one seemed to know, no one saw Jared again after that awful day, and he refused to answer his phone or return Jensen’s emails, so Jensen had no choice but to try and move on. It was his senior year. He had finals to think about and college applications to fill out, decisions to be made.

Jensen wonders if Jared would care that he missed out on his lacrosse scholarship because of what happened that day.

The conversation he had with Chad in the kitchen the day before comes back to Jensen as he steps under the spray.

Chad’s right, not that Jensen will ever tell him that to his face, it is time he moved on, past time. Three years and he’s still as in love with Jared as he was the day Jared walked away from him. He has no idea what Jared looks like now, if he’s changed, if his still the same sweet, gorgeous boy Jensen first saw standing in line in the cafeteria, looking completely lost.

It had taken Jensen months before he could work up the guts to actually approach Jared, another month after that before he got the balls to ask the boy on a date.

If it took that much effort to get Jared, maybe it’s just taking a whole lot longer to let go?

<*>

Jared is sitting at his desk, computer open in front of him, perusing the college website.

It’s early, not even eight o’clock yet, but Jared is still on San Antonio time, and he figures it’ll be a few weeks before he’s adjusted to the time difference, but there’s not really much he can do this early in the morning, a week before classes start.

Chad is still sleeping, his head buried beneath his pillow, and Jared’s too much of a considerate person to risk doing anything that would wake the guy, so he’s stuck with his computer.

Jared doesn’t have many friends, or any at all, really, so it’s not like he has any emails he needs to catch up on. He doesn’t have a Facebook, ‘cause what’s the point of a Facebook with no friends? So he just surfs the college website, making sure he knows exactly where he’s supposed to be when classes start. He wonders how long it will be before he can consider Chad to be his friend, if he can ever consider Chad a friend.

College is supposed to be his chance to be different, to become the person he wants to be, rather than be the person he was forced to be back in Texas, but Jared doesn’t know if he’ll ever have the courage to do that, and he’s terrified that he’ll stay the loner he’s been forced to be for the last three years.

On the other side of the room, Chad’s cell phone starts ringing, playing some sort of country rock song Jared’s never heard before.

Evidentially, it’s a personalized ringtone, because Chad doesn’t even look at the screen, he doesn’t even take his head out from under his pillow, just snakes his hand out and grabs the phone.

“You fucker. You mother-fucking, cock-sucking, son of a bitch. I hate you. We are through, do you hear me? Done. Over. I want nothing more to do with you.”

Jared laughs, turning back to his computer and shutting it down before he makes his way back over to his bed, picking up the sketch pad he left lying on the floor the night before.

“Jesus Christ, man, classes don’t start for another week!” Chad crows. “I should not be awake this early!” He pauses. “Oh, so, what? Just because you’re awake this early, everyone else has to be up, too?”

He can hear Chad’s friend laughing at him from all the way across the room, and for one second, he’s jealous of that friendship. He wants someone to laugh at him, to call him at the crack of dawn, just because they can.

Suddenly, Jared misses Jensen so much it’s almost painful, and he takes a deep breath, swallowing down the tears that are threatening to fall.

“Did you wake up Chris and Steve, too? No, ‘cause you like your balls where they are.” Chad comes out from under his pillow and glances at Jared. “You know, you’re lucky my roommate is already awake. Jared’s one tall mother fucker. I bet he could take even you.”

An embarrassed blush crawls up Jared’s neck. He’s been in more fights than he can count, and he’s lost every single one of them. He really doubts he can take whoever Chad’s caller is.

He watches as Chad sits up straighter in his bed, sleepy annoyance giving way to concern. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jared frowns. The playfulness of the conversation is gone and he wonders what could have changed so dramatically.

“Yeah, yeah, alright. Yeah, I’ll see you later.” Chad ends the call, staring at his phone.

“Everything okay?” Jared asks after a few minutes of silence.

“Huh?” Chad blinks, like he’s just realized Jared’s still in the room. “Oh, um, yeah. Everything’s fine, I guess.” He throws the covers back and gets to his feet. “Hey, since I’m up, you wanna head over to the cafeteria for some breakfast?”

Jared smiles, insanely pleased by the offer. “Sure. Sounds great.”

“Cool, just let me grab a quick shower and then we can go.” He bends down to get his wash stuff from the bottom drawer of his nightstand where Jared saw him stash it yesterday.

“Oh, hey, you must have dropped this.”

He picks up the photo Jared remembers placing inside the pages of his sketchbook back in San Antonio and he reaches for it, but Chad turns it over to look before he can grab it.

“Holy shit.” Chad falls back onto his bed, staring at the picture of the two young boys.

“What is it?”

Chad sighs. “Well, this explains why Jensen just had a melt down when he found out the name of my new roommate.”

Jared’s heart stops beating. All the air gets sucked out of the room, and his world narrows down to nothing but Chad and the photo in his hands.

Chad chuckles drily. “Yeah, that was sorta his reaction, too.”

“That was Jensen?” Jared asks, gesturing to the phone now resting on Chad’s pillow. “Jensen A-Ackles?”

Chad waves the photo at him. “One and the same.”

“Oh, God. I can’t breathe.” Jared sets his sketchbook aside and gets to his feet, walking quickly to the window.

“So,” Chad says lightly, “you’re this secret non-boyfriend Jensen’s been pining after for the last three years. Good to know you’re real and not a figment of his imagination like we all thought.”

Jared swallows against the bile rising in the back of his throat. He can’t figure out how he’s supposed to deal with this, with the fact that Jensen’s right here, somewhere on this campus, after no contact whatsoever for the last three years.

“Jensen is Jen? The…person Kristin and Sophia said convinced them to get the RA jobs?”

“Yeah.”

Jared laughs, but even to him it sounds painful. “Oh, God. I come to college, after managing to avoid him for three years, and suddenly, I’m slap bang in the middle of his fucking life.”

“Seems to me like you’re not doing a very good job of avoiding him,” Chad points out. “Not if you’re carrying photos of him to college.”

Jared snatches the photo from his hands and stuffs it beneath his pillow.

“That’s not the only one, is it?” Chad asks. Jared’s silence is apparently answer enough. “Looks like your about as over him as he is over you.”

Jared doesn’t acknowledge that and Chad lets it go.

“Does he talk about me a lot?” he whispers. He doesn’t really want to know the answer, but it’s like he can’t keep the question to himself, some sort of morbid fascination needing to know.

Chad shakes his head. “Until yesterday, all I knew was that he told everyone who was even a little bit interested that he was seeing someone. We all knew it was bullshit. He never mentioned a boyfriend, never went anywhere to visit anybody. We all thought he was crazy at first, but in his head, he was still involved with someone, still in love with someone he was obviously dating in high school.”

Jared tries to think about that for a second, the knowledge that Jensen has been faithful to him after all these years apart, even though Jared refused to talk to him, but Chad’s other words creep into his mind.

“What happened yesterday?”

His roommate shrugs. “I pushed. I got sick of not knowing all the details, so I dug a little.”

“What did he say?”

“Just that this guy – you, apparently – is the love of his life and he doesn’t know what he did to make you hate him, but one day he was gonna prove that he was good enough for you. He just doesn’t know how yet.”

Jared snorts. “Doesn’t know what he did? He knows damn well what he did, and I spent three weeks in the hospital because of it.”

“Hospital? Shit, Jared. What the hell happened?”

Jared shakes his head. “I don’t really wanna talk about it, Chad.”

Chad just nods and raises his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m gonna go take that shower now, and then we can go get breakfast, and, you know, avoid the sports fields, where He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named is having lacrosse practice.”

After a statement like that, Jared supposed Chad’s not going to be surprised when he gets back to their room and Jared isn’t there.

<*>

Jensen is sweaty and dripping and out of breath and disgusting when the team are finally told they can hit the showers after a long and grueling practice. He shouldn’t be so out of shape, he thinks as he jogs off the field towards the sidelines, surprised to find Chris waiting for him.

“Where’s Sophia?” he asks as he gratefully accepts the water bottle Chris hands him. “I was waiting for my chocolate.”

“Relax, champ,” Chris laughs. “I’ll buy you some damn chocolate on the way home.”

Jensen takes a long pull on the water bottle. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Chris shrugs. “Chad called. He was being even more weird than usual, asking if I’d talked to you today. So I thought I’d come down here and see if I could figure out what was going on.”

Jensen stares at the bottle in his hands, hoping Chris won’t notice the pained look in his eyes, the same pained look he knows he’s been wearing since he heard Chad’s new roommate was called Jared. The thought bounced around his head all the way to the sports field, where it was pushed aside in favor of the game.

But now that he no longer has the distraction of lacrosse or the other people on his team, the thought is back and he doesn’t really know what he can do about the whole situation.

Chad’s going to be bringing the guy to group stuff, that’s pretty much a guarantee, and Jensen’s not sure if he can spend the next year with someone called Jared, talking to him, laughing with him, getting to know him, and all time thinking that _his_ Jared has been replaced.

He’s ignoring the niggling thought at the back of his mind that’s telling him that Chad’s new roommate could actually _be_ his Jared. Jared is starting his sophomore year at whatever college he chose, and Chad’s roommate is a freshman.

“Jen! Jensen!”

Jensen realizes Chris has been talking to him while he’d been spacing out, thinking about Jared.

“What?”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. What did Chad say?” The last thing Jensen needs is for Chad to tell Chris he had a freak out on the phone just from hearing his boyfriend’s name. Ex-boyfriend. Boyfriend. Whatever.

Chris narrows his eyes. “What’s going on with you two? You’re both acting weird.” He gasps and takes a step away. “Oh, God, please tell me you’re not bumping uglies with Chad? That’s just wrong. On so many levels.”

“What?! NO! Chris, that’s just…I don’t even wanna think about that.”

“I think we might have to do an intervention if you were,” Chris points out with not a hint of amusement.

“There’s nothing going on with me and Chad,” Jensen assures. “It’s just Chad being…Chad. And I’m just thinking too much about something. Seriously, I’m fine. It’s not a big deal.”

Chris studies him for a second. “I don’t believe you, but I know you’ll tell me about it at some point if it’s really that serious.”

Jensen rolls his eyes, but he knows there’s nothing he can say to make Chris think anything other than what he wants to think.

“Whatever, man, I’ve gotta take a shower.”

Chris glances at something over Jensen’s right shoulder and smirks, but before Jensen can turn to see what he’s looking at, Chris leans in close.

And kisses him.

At first, Jensen’s too stunned to do anything more than stand completely still, with Chris’s lips pressed against his own. Then his common sense kicks in and he pushes Chris away.

“What the hell was that, man? Does Steve know you’re randomly going around kissing other people?”

Chris grins. “Relax, man, it ain’t even like that. There’s a guy sitting on the bleachers. He’s been watching you since before I showed up. He can’t seem to decide if he wants to kiss you, or beat the crap outta you. I thought I’d put him out of his misery before he comes over here and makes an idiot out of himself.”

Chris kisses his cheek and walks away. “I’ll give you a ride home. I’ll wait in the truck,” he throws over his shoulder.

Jensen tries to swallow past his heart, which is suddenly beating up somewhere near his throat, and takes a deep breath before he turns around.

He can just make out a mop of shaggy dark hair as the guy runs away.

<*>

Chad drags Chris beneath the bleachers as soon as he’s in reach.

“What the hell?!” Chris exclaims as he stumbles in Chad’s grip.

Chad smacks him upside the head.

The older man glares at him and any other time Chad would be nervous, frightened, even. But right now, he’s too angry to worry about all the things Chris could do to him.

“Boy, you better have a damn good reason for doing that,” Chris says as he flicks his hair out of his face.

“You’re a fucking moron, that’s why!” Chad yells.

“What the hell did I do?”

“You kissed Jensen!”

“I know. I was saving him from having to tell some other poor smuck that he’s in love with his imaginary boyfriend.”

“The smuck _was_ the imaginary boyfriend.” Chad frowns. “I mean, he _is_ the imaginary boyfriend.”

Chris waves his hands in the air. “I don’t have the patience right now to decipher Chad-speak. English, douche.”

Chad takes a deep breath. “My new roommate, Jared, is Jensen’s…not-ex ex-boyfriend.”

Chris’s eyes bug out. It would be funny if this was any other situation.

“What are you talking about?”

“I found a photo of Jared and Jensen from when they were in high school lying on the floor. Jared dropped it. They were all huggy, and snuggly and in love.”

“Oh, my God.”

“Pretty much what I said.”

“Well, what does this mean? Did Jared tell you why they broke up?”

Chad shakes his head. “No. All he told me was that after whatever it was Jensen did or didn’t do, Jared spent some time in hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“I don’t know what happened. He wouldn’t tell me.”

Chris rakes his fingers through his long hair, and Chad knows he’s thinking the same thing Chad was thinking back at the dorm.

What kind of friends are they that they refused to believe Jensen when he said he was waiting for someone?

Chad feels like a dick and he only came into the group last year. Chris has been living with Jensen since their freshman year, and Chad knows he’s never truly believed his best friend.

Chris glances at Chad out of the corner of his eye. “You think this guy still has feelings for Jensen?”

Chad nods. “He’s carrying pictures of Jensen around with him. He says he doesn’t want anything to do with Jensen, but I get the feeling he’d taken Jensen back if they just talked.”

“Yeah, and stalking the guy is a really good way to do that.” Chris rolls his eyes. He freezes. “Shit. He saw me kissing Jensen.”

“Yep. Now you see why I hit you?”

Chris sighs. “What are we gonna do?”

Chad blinks at him. “You honestly want to put yourself in the middle of this?”

“No, not me. _Us_.” Chris smiles.

“Chris, this really isn’t any of our business.”

“I don’t give a shit, Chad. You’ve only been here a year, you have no idea what it’s been like, watching Jensen watch everyone else pair up while he stays single.”

“But he’s not single,” Chad points out. “Jensen still thinks he’s dating Jared. They’re just…on a break.”

“It’s not healthy, that’s what it is.”

“So, what? You’re gonna force them to talk about whatever shit they went through together? That’s either gonna fix them, or tear them apart completely.”

Chris shrugs. “It’s better than both of them living in limbo for the rest of their lives.”

Chad thinks about Jared telling him that he was recovering from a bad break up and he wonders if Jensen was the guy he was talking about. The evidence suggests it was.

Chris studies him closely for a second. “So, come on, Murray. You in, or are you out?”

Chad sighs. “Fine. I’m in.”

Chris rubs his hands together like some sort of evil genius. Now that he’s not so mad at Chris anymore, he values his life too much to point it out.

“Alright, I’m gonna call and get everyone outta the house.”

“Chris, there’s no way Jared’s gonna follow me to some random house. He knows Jensen lives with you; he’ll know what’s going on.”

“Fine, we’ll meet at your dorm room,” Chris states. “But I’m getting everyone outta the house, just in case.”

Chad frowns. “Why?”

“Well, they can’t exactly fuck with you in the room, can they?”

Chad glares at him. “No, only you and Steve do that.”

**Chapter 3**

Jared moves the charcoal over the paper in hard, forceful strokes, taking his anger out on the sketchbook.

He refuses to admit that he’s upset, hurt even, by seeing Jensen kissing another man, after Chad assured him that he hadn’t dated anyone since he left Texas.

Jensen.

Jared knows he’s focusing on the kiss so that he doesn’t have to think about how it felt to see Jensen in the flesh after all this time.

And, man, does he want to think about Jensen.

Jensen, out on that field, all sweaty and shirtless,

If it wasn’t for the fact that he has no idea where Chad is, or when he’ll be back, Jared would be thinking about Jensen a lot right now.

Seeing Jensen today made Jared own up to a truth he’s been denying since that fateful day back in Texas.

He’s not over Jensen Ackles. At this point, he doesn’t know how he’ll ever manage to get over him and move on.

After all, Jensen proved back then that he was nothing but a coward, what has he got that Jared needs?

He just doesn’t know how he’s going to survive college, or at least his freshman year, when he’s living with one of Jensen’s best friends. He’s not kidding himself; he’s past that, so he knows that Chad’s going to take Jensen’s side of this war. Chad and Jensen have been friends for at least a year, so why would Chad choose to be friends with him when he already has Jensen?

No one wants to be friends with Jared; he learned that lesson the hard way.

But, he still has a year of living with Chad, of Chad talking about Jensen, maybe putting up pictures of Jensen. What if Jensen stops by to see Chad, and finds Jared here instead? Jared’s not sure if he can cope with that.

He wonders if that’s where Chad is right now, off telling Jensen that his new roommate is Jensen’s ex-boyfriend. What will Jensen’s reaction be? Will he care? Will he want to see Jared?

Jared doesn’t know the answers to those questions, to any of the questions that have been spinning around in his head for the last three years, and all his wants is to just make them all go away.

To do that, he has to talk to Jensen, get his side of the story, and Jared’s just not willing to do that just yet.

Jared sighs and sets his charcoal on the nightstand, staring at the sketchbook balanced on his knees and the image of Jensen that’s looking back at him.

He throws the sketchbook across the room and surges to his feet. He needs to talk to someone before he goes mad, but there is no one. After the news of the attack spread through the school, the few friends Jared did have scattered into the wind, none of them wanting to be associated with him, like they could catch it just by being near him. Like they’d be Justin’s next target, just because they knew Jared.

When Jared steps into the hallway, Kristin’s door is propped open, which he thinks is RA speak for ‘I’m willing to be bothered by my lowly freshman residents’, so he crosses the hall before he can change his mind and knocks on the door frame.

Kristin’s lounging on her bed, reading a novel of some sort as far as Jared can tell, but she looks up and gives him a huge smile, likes she’s pleased to see him.

It’s a new sensation.

“Hey, Jared. What can I do for you?”

“I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute?”

Instantly, she picks up a bookmark and places it between the pages before she lets the book fall onto the bed beside her. Jared can see that she’s reading _Little Women_.

“Sure thing, sweetie, come on in. Close the door.”

Jared steps into the room and closes the door behind him, locking it on instinct, as Kristin pushes herself up against the headboard of her bed.

She gestures to her desk chair. “Have a seat.”

Jared smiles his thanks and sits down, but as he’s making himself comfortable, a framed photo sitting on Kristin’s desk catches his attention.

Kristin and Jensen are flipping off whoever is taking the photo, middle fingers in the air, trying to look pissed off.

Jared sighs. “Shit. I forgot. You know him, too. Dammit!”

His outburst makes Kristin flinch, a frown creasing her forehead, but he goes on before she can ask anything.

“Is there anyone I’ve met at this fucking school that doesn’t know Jensen fucking Ackles?”

Her eyes tick to the photograph and her frown deepens. “You know Jensen?”

Jared gets up to pace the room. “You know, I really thought I did. But how well can a person actually know someone? Everything is just surface shit; you can never really know a person. Jensen proved that.”

Kristin’s eyes grow wide. “Holy shit. You’re that guy. You’re _the_ guy! Jensen’s guy!”

“I’m not Jensen’s guy! I’m not Jensen’s anything!” Jared snaps. “And I really wish people would stop calling me that.” Jared knows that, since his revelation that morning, Chad’s probably thinking the same thing.

“You’re dating Jensen?” Kristin sits back on her heels, staring at Jared intently.

Jared eyes the locked door and tries to figure out if he can just make a run for it.

“Dated him. Dumped him. It’s all in the past now.”

Kristin regards him for a few seconds, and Jared would really like to know what it is she’s looking for, because she’s making him uncomfortable.

Whatever it was, she seems to have found it, because she leans back, a sad smile on her face.

“You didn’t know he was here, did you?” Jared shakes his head and sinks down into the chair again, scrapes his fingers through his hair.

“I thought about that all the way back from the sports fields.”

Kristin made a face. “Why were you at the sports fields?”

“Jensen had lacrosse practice.”

She winces. “Oh, man, he’s gonna be in such a crap mood.”

“Anyway,” Jared presses on, “I’ve been trying to figure out if he ever mentioned anything about coming here, if I saw brochures or something lying in his room, but the last time we talked about college, he was hoping for a lacrosse scholarship to Duke. I don’t ever remember him talking about UC Berkeley.”

Kristin shrugs. “I figure his hand had something to do with that. He used to wear this support or brace thing. He never talked about what happened; I guess there was an accident or something.”

Jared snorts. “Serves him right.”

“You know he’s still in love with you, don’t you?” Kristin says quietly. “He’s never gotten over you.”

Jared laughs. “Yeah, he seemed really in love with me when he was making out with some guy when practice was over.”

Kristin wrinkles her nose. “Guy? What guy? That can’t be right. Jensen’s never dated anyone. Ever. Not since you, I’m guessing.”

“Well, this guy was all over him. If that wasn’t making out, then Jensen and I were doing it wrong.”

Jared closes his eyes against the memories his words invoke. Making out with Jensen used to be one of his favorite things.

“Alright, what guy?”

“He was shorter than Jensen, with long brown hair. Built.” Another photo catches his eye as he’s trying to picture the guy in his mind, that same guy grinning back at him. He points to it. “That guy.”

Kristin cranes her neck until she can see the photo Jared’s pointing out, and when she does, she barks out a laugh. “Who, Chris? No way! Chris is with Steve. Chris has always been with Steve. Chris will always be with Steve.”

“Then why were they kissing, huh? Why was my Jensen kissing someone else?!”

A slow smile breaks across Kristin’s pretty face. “ _Your_ Jensen?”

“I…” Jared starts, but then he sighs. “Shit.”

“You’re still in love with him, too.”

“I never said that,” Jared says quickly.

“You didn’t have to.” Kristin sighs. “Jared, you’re upset about the fact that he was apparently kissing some other guy. If you were really over him, it wouldn’t bother you this much.”

Jared shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter if I’m still in love with him or not. Jensen was a bastard to me back then, and it doesn’t matter if he’s changed or not, there’s just no getting over what he did to me.” Jared hand unconsciously moves to the scar that serves as a physical reminder of that day.

Kristin’s frowning at him. “What he did? What did he do? Jensen’s so infatuated by you I really doubt he would do anything on purpose. Have you talked to him?”

Jared shrugs. No matter what Jensen did to him, it was in the past, and he doesn’t really feel like he should be telling one of Jensen’s best friends secrets about his past. But then, doesn’t Kristin deserve to know the truth about her so-called best friend?

Jared shakes his head, because telling Kristin about Jensen’s past means telling her about his own past, and he’s just not ready for that. He’s not sure he’ll ever be ready for that.

“I waited,” he says instead, answering her question. “I waited every day I was stuck in that hospital, when I was stuck at home recovering. I waited for him to come see me, to explain what happened, but he never did. Graduation came and went, and then I heard he’d left for college early, some sort of academic, early admittance thing.”

“Why didn’t you just call him?”

“Because he should have been the one to call me,” Jared says defiantly. He can’t bring himself to find the words to tell her than he couldn’t call Jensen because he’s parents had taken he’s cell phone away from him. And his computer. To help him recover, they’d said at the time. Jared still doesn’t really understand the logic.

Kristin just looks at him and Jared squirms under her gaze.

“Alright, I’m telling you this as your RA, not as Jensen’s friend, okay?” she waits for him to nod before she continues. “You need to talk to Jensen. You obviously still care about him; otherwise you never would have come to talk to me in the first place. But, Jared, you’re living with one of his best friends. I can get you a roommate switch if you really want, and I’m sure Chad will agree, but you’re still going to have to live with the fact that you could run into him at any time. And if you’re still this upset over whatever it was you think he did then college is really going to suck for you.”

“It’s only for a year, right? Jensen’s a senior. He’ll be graduating.” He can avoid Jensen for a year, right? He got pretty good at avoiding people back home, people like Justin and Milo and Dave.

“Yeah, he will, and then he’ll be coming right back here to work.”

Jared frowns. “What are you talking about?”

“Jensen accepted an intern position with the college’s sports department. He’s a physical therapy major.”

Jared doesn’t know what to say to that. He’d been pinning his hopes on Jensen only being around for another year, and then Jared was free to spend his time at college the way he wanted to.

But if Jensen was going to be working here, full time after he graduated, then that idea just flew out the window.

“Talk to him,” Kristin repeats. “If anything, you’ll at least find out the truth about what went on back then and you’ll finally be able to put whatever happened behind you and move on.”

Jared just nods; he can’t really find the energy for anything else.

He thanks Kristin for her time and leaves, heading back to his own room in a daze.

Chad’s sitting on his bed with Jared’s sketchbook in his lap when Jared opens the door, but he shoots to his feet as soon as he spots his roommate.

“There you are. Where the hell have you been?”

Jared locks the door behind him, as usual, before crossing the room to lie down on his bed. “What’s it to you? I didn’t know I needed to check in with you every hour. You’re my roommate, not my mother.”

“You’ve been gone for hours,” Chad counters. “After what happened this morning, I was worried about you.”

“You just met me yesterday,” Jared reminds him.

“And that’s supposed to mean something?” Chad rolls his eyes. “Whether you like it or not, Jared, you and I are going to be roommates for the next year, at least, and, yeah, I know you’re going to have some issues with me and my friends, but we can get past that, right?”

Jared suddenly feels guilty for snapping and he nods. “I suppose it would be nice to at least have one friend at college.” One friend in general would be nice.

Chad grins at him. “Dude, classes don’t even start for another week, you have a whole lot of shit to do between now and then, other people to meet. Trust me; you’ll have way more than one friend.”

Jared manages a tight smile at that, but he doesn’t have it in himself to argue the point. College was supposed to be different, right? And that meant friends. Jared isn’t really sure at which point in his life the idea of friends became a foreign concept.

Chad suddenly grows serious and Jared groans inwardly. He knows what’s coming before Chad even opens his mouth.

“So, listen, Jay, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

Not even the way his stomach flips at the nickname is enough to make Jared stay quiet. “No, Chad. I know what you’re going to say and I really don’t want to talk about Jensen right now. Or ever, actually.”

“Okay, but see-”

Chad cuts himself off when he hears voices just outside the door of their room and Jared can actually feel all the color drain from his face. He’d recognize that voice anywhere.

“Come on, Chris. What the hell are we doing here? You don’t even know any freshmen.”

“This is not just a freshman dorm, moron. Chad lives here, too. I told him I’d stop by to pick something up.”

“Um, you know what, I’m gonna just go…wait outside or something.”

Jared can hear the nervousness in Jensen’s tone and he feels a little jolt of satisfaction at that.

“What? Don’t be ridiculous, we’re here now.” There’s the sound of a fist pounding on the door. “Chad, open the fuck up already.”

Jared shakes his head at Chad, and his friend gives him an apologetic smile. “This is for your own good, Jay. Both of you.”

Chad unlocks the door and pulls it open, and Jared is in just the right position to see past the guy he saw kissing Jensen at lacrosse practice to look into the eyes of the only person in his life he’s ever loved.

Jensen hasn’t really changed much in three years, Jared notes absently. His hair is shorter, styled in short, neat spikes, full of natural highlights from the Californian sun that only help to emphasis the green of his eyes.

The ache in Jared’s chest gets worse.

“Jared,” Jensen breathes and Jared can’t take the look in his eyes.

He pushes away from the bed and goes over to the window, looking down at the front of the building, at the dozens of people milling about, all of them apparently in no hurry to be anywhere.

“Jared, look at me,” Jensen pleads.

Jared hears the door close, and he glances over his shoulder to see the guy Jensen came in with – Chris, Kristin had said – leaning against the closed door. It’s not locked, and it takes everything Jared has not to rush across the room and turn the key.

Jared turns back to the window. He can see Kristin rushing down the steps and into a waiting car. “Why? Why do you want me to look at you when you didn’t want to look at me?”

“What are you talking about?” he can hear the frown in Jensen’s voice but he doesn’t look back to see it.

“I thought that’s what you wanted. To pretend I never existed.”

“Where did you get that idea? You’re – I mean, you _were_ my boyfriend. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to see you?”

Jared can’t take it then and he whirls to face Jensen. “What?! How can you stand there and say something like that when you know what happened! You left me, Jensen, you left me there with Justin and Tom and the rest of your fucking friends so that they could beat the ever living shit out of me, and then you just left. Period. And now you have the nerve to stand here and act like you’re the injured party in this? Fuck that, Jensen.”

“What the fuck?” Chris asks, but Jared doesn’t really have any attention left to spare him more than a passing thought. All of his focus is on Jensen, who just looks confused.

“What the hell are you talking about, Jared?” he asks as he crosses the room to stand in front of him. “I never left you anywhere. You were the one who told me you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

“What? When the hell did I tell you that?”

“You sent me a text two days after what happened and told me you never wanted to see me again,” Jensen spells out.

Jared laughs. “Jensen, I was in the hospital for three weeks. I had to have part of my spleen removed because it ruptured. I had a shattered collarbone, broken nose, cheekbones, ribs, a broken arm, more stitches than I could even count. Do you really think I was in any condition to be sending you text messages?”

Jensen takes his phone from his pocket and scrolls through it until he finds what he’s looking for and passes it over.

_Stay the hell away from me, Jensen. I never want to see your ugly face again._

The message is from Jared, or at least the number Jensen has programmed into his phone as Jared’s.

Jared throws the phone back at him. “I never sent that.”

“Well, someone sure as hell did.”

“Doesn’t matter, if you’d wanted to talk to me, you could have stopped by the house when I got out.”

“Don’t you think I tried? I went by your house every day for two months, Jared. Your parents just told me that you didn’t want to see me. Finally, your dad said he was going to call the police if I bothered you anymore, so I had to stop. And all my calls where rejected, the emails I sent were bounced back. Shit, Jared, you honestly think I would have just given up on you?”

“You did that day in the art room.”

Jared watches as Jensen staggers back a step, but he’s not really thinking about what he’s saying, he’s mind is sort of stuck on the fact that Jensen had tried so hard to talk to him after the attack, so why did his parents say they never heard from Jensen?

“You think…you think, what? That I left you there?” Jensen’s voice is small, like it hurts to say the words.

Jared nods. “I saw you, running out the door when Justin threw the first punch.”

Admittedly, he doesn’t remember much at all of that awful day, but the one image that’s clear in his head is Jensen, disappearing out the door as Justin advanced on Jared, the rest of the lacrosse team crowding in behind him.

A look Jared can’t name closes over Jensen’s face. “How could you think that?”

“I saw you,” Jared repeats.

“I fought for you. I fought all of them. _For you_. I shattered my hand when Justin stomped on it when I was trying to get to you. What kind of a person do you think I am that I could just leave you there?”

Jared is devastated; horrified that he’s been wrong all these years. “I saw you,” he says again and Jensen shakes his head.

“Sandy was outside. I told her to run. To get help.”

Sandy. Jared’s best friend. Or at least she had been, up until that day. Afterwards, like everyone else in Jared’s life, she didn’t want anything to do with him.

Jared feels tears slipping down his cheeks, but he doesn’t move to wipe them away, he’s frozen to the spot, his whole life tipped upside down in only five minutes.

“You actually thought I could do that to you?” Jensen asks, disgust all over his face. “You actually thought I could leave you there, leave you to Justin and his gang?”

“You came there with them,” Jared tells him quietly. “Justin said that was the plan. That you were only using me so that you could gain my trust.”

“And you believed him? Over me?”

“When I never heard from you again, it made sense.” Jared lets out a humorless laugh. “I was kidding myself from the start, Jensen. You were a senior, one of the most popular guys in school. What the hell would you want with a scrawny little sophomore like me? I always considered myself lucky to have been able to get the time with you that I did have. Everything else was just a pipe dream.”

Jensen snorts. “You think I tell everyone that I’m in love with them? You think I make plans with every guy to go to college together, to get a place together? You think I would plan my whole life around just anyone?”

“You didn’t plan your life around me,” Jared protests.

“Yes, I did!” Jensen argues. “For three years, I’ve done nothing but plan my life around you. Everything I do involves you. So that I could prove myself to you, so that I could go back to Texas one day and be the man you deserve. And all this time you’ve been thinking that I’m some sort of monster.”

“Jensen, I never thought that.”

“You did, otherwise you wouldn’t have said those things.”

Jared shakes his head, but suddenly nothing makes sense anymore, and the room feels too small. He looks around frantically, surprised to find Chad and Chris sitting on Chad’s bed watching them both with fascination. He’d forgotten they were there.

“I can’t breathe,” he exclaims.

Concern etches Jensen’s features and he reaches out to him. “Jared? Calm down, okay? Just take a deep breath.”

“I have to get out of here.” Jared races past them all, thankful for the first time in three years that the door isn’t locked, and then he’s in the hallway, and he doesn’t wait for the elevator because they might catch up with him before it reaches his floor.

Finally he makes it outside and Jared stands on the front steps of the building for a few seconds, taking in huge gulps of air, calming himself down before he heads for the parking lot.

His car keys are still in his pocket from earlier and he gets in his car and just drives, not really caring where he’s headed, he just has a desperate need inside of him to get as far away from the dorm as possible.

He doesn’t really know how long he’s been driving before his cell phone rings. There’s a sinking feeling in his stomach that it’s Jensen calling, but he doesn’t have Jared’s new number, and Jared never got around to giving it to Chad. He supposes they could have gone to Sophia and forced her to give it to them, but when he pulls the phone out of his pocket, it’s his mother name that flashes on the screen.

Cursing under his breath, Jared pulls off onto the side of the road. His mother hates when he talks while he’s driving.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Jared, honey, where were you?”

“Driving,” he answers coolly.

“Oh, well, I’m glad you’re being responsible.”

“Uh, huh.” He doesn’t understand it. Usually he loves talking to his mom on the phone, but right now, he’s fighting the urge to hang up on her.

She clears her throat. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that we arrived back in San Antone safely. The flight was fine.”

“Oh, that’s…that’s great. Um, thanks. For letting me know.”

There’s silence for a few seconds before his mother sighs.

“Jared, is everything okay? You don’t sound…well, you sound a little sad. Is it homesickness? Do you want me to come get you? I told you it was a bad idea to go to a college that was so far away from home.”

“No,” Jared almost yells. “No, I don’t want to come home. I love it here.”

He can almost hear his mom wrinkle her nose. She made no secret out of the fact that she didn’t like the campus.

“If it’s not that, then what’s wrong?”

Jared takes a deep breath, Jensen’s words hitting him so hard he’s glad he’s sitting down.

“Mom, when I was in the hospital.”

“Jared, you know I don’t like talking about that,” she interrupts.

“I know, but…you told me Jensen never came to see me. That was a lie.” He’s not sure why he’s so certain, why he’s choosing to believe Jensen over his own parents, but something about Jensen’s soft words rang true to Jared.

“Of course it wasn’t a lie,” she says carefully. “Jensen never came anywhere near you.”

“He called to the house every day for two months. Dad told him he was going to call the police if Jensen came by again. Someone sent him a text from my phone saying I didn’t want to see him anymore. I was in the middle of the operating room, so it definitely wasn’t me.”

Sharon sighs. “Well, of course I told him to stay away from you. After what he did to you, why would you even want to see him again?”

“What he did to me? What does that mean?”

“Jared, you spent three weeks in the hospital because of what he did to you.”

Jared gasps. “You think Jensen did that to me? You think Jensen was capable of beating me so badly that I had to have part of my spleen removed? I’m a big guy, Mom, even back then, I could have taken Jensen.”

“Sweetheart, in the hospital, when we asked you who did that to you, you told us that it was the lacrosse team, you told us it was Jensen.”

“I told you it was the lacrosse team, yeah, but I didn’t tell you it was Jensen. I was asking for Jensen. I wanted him there.”

“Why? It was because of what they boy did to you that you ended up in that hospital,” Sharon said harshly. “He might not have been responsible for it, but it was certainly his fault.”

“So you told him to stay away…so that I wouldn’t be gay anymore?”

Her silence is answer enough and he chokes on a sob.

“I won’t apologize for what I did, Jared.”

“But, Mom, you liked Jensen. You were fine when we were dating.”

“Yes, I was, when I thought it was just some college experiment come early. But I could see the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him.”

“Because I loved him.”

“And you will never have a normal life if you insisted on being with Jensen,” she says carefully. “Jared, I just wanted what was best for you.”

“I know, but in doing that, you made the last three years of my life a living hell,” Jared tells her honestly.

She gasps. “What are you talking about?”

“I lost all my friends, Mom. They didn’t want anything to do with me after what happened, and now I think I know why.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you tell anyone that Jensen was the one who did that to me?” He feels sick asking the question, but he needs to know, he needs to know that not everything that happened was his fault.

Sharon clears her throat. “Well, Sandy’s grandmother asked what happened, I couldn’t very well lie to the woman.”

Jared lets out a sob. “And she told Sandy what you said and Sandy stopped speaking to me because she knew that Jensen would never be able to do anything like that and she hated me for even thinking it.”

It all makes so much sense now. Jared’s friends turned on him because they thought he told his parents that Jensen was solely responsible for the attack.

“Jared, that’s absurd.”

“No, it’s not. It all makes so much sense now.” He sniffs. “I know that you were only doing what you thought was best for me, but telling everyone that Jensen attacked me was not what was best for me.”

“I wanted people to know what sort of a person he was.”

“And the fact that no one believed you and everyone turned against me, that didn’t give you a clue that Jensen never did anything to me except love me?”

“Jared, I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”

Jared nods, even though he knows she can’t see him. “I know you didn’t, but I’m just going to need some time to wrap my head around all of this.” He needs some time to work things out with Jensen.

“No, Jared, please, what did you mean by that?”

“Um, I’m just going to need some time,” he repeats.

His mother’s voice is still calling out to him when Jared takes the phone away from his ear and snaps it shut. In the back of his mind, he know she was only doing what she thought was best for her son, but Jared can’t get past the fact that if she’d stayed out of it, things might have been fine now, great even, and he and Jensen would be all set to start the new semester at UC Berkeley.

Instead, he’s sitting alone in his car, Jensen is on some other part of the campus, probably so angry at Jared his jaw is clenched tight like it always is when he’s mad.

Jared can’t really blame him.

**Chapter 4**

Jensen sits alone in the silence in the house he shares on the other side of campus.

Everyone else is out, and he doesn’t really care where they are. The bar isn’t open yet, so the most logical place is Cunningham Hall, since everyone who doesn’t live in the house lives in the dorm now – well, except Mike – but Jensen’s trying really hard not to think about the dorm, because that would lead back to thoughts of Jared.

God, he still can’t believe Jared’s here.

Jared’s here and he’s spent the last three years thinking that Jensen abandoned him to Justin and his gang, or just abandoned him in general.

Jensen doesn’t really know how to process that. He spent more than a year with Jared; he’d thought they were in love. A senior in high school, and Jensen had already thought he’d found his soul mate, the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

Apparently, he’d made a mistake.

What’s he going to do now? He’s spent the last three years waiting for someone who wanted nothing to do with him, but he was sure he could get Jared back. Now that surety is gone, and Jensen’s left floundering, lost in a sea of confusion, with no idea what he’s supposed to do with his life now.

“I should have listened to Chris and Danni,” he says to the quiet living room. “I should have just moved on and forgot Jared even existed.” He thinks about all the girls and guys who have chatted him up during his three years at UC Berkeley, and he wonders if one of them could have been ‘the one’. He shakes his head. Jared’s ‘the one’, he always has been and he always will be, and Jensen will do anything in his power to get Jared back.

He just doesn’t know what that is; especially considering Jared ran away from him this afternoon.

There’s a knock at the front door, and Jensen decides to ignore it. He’s not really in the mood to deal with Jehovah’s Witnesses or people trying to get him to change his telephone plan or whoever the fuck it is standing on his porch. All the important people in his life have their own key, so Jensen just doesn’t care.

The doorbell rings. He ignores that, too.

Whoever is trying to damage Jensen’s calm pounds on the door this time, and leans on the doorbell so that it doesn’t shut up.

Angry now, Jensen practically leaps off the couch and storms through the house until he can pull open the front door.

“Listen, dick, when people don’t answer the door, it means they don’t want to-” Jensen cuts himself off when he realizes he’s looking up into Jared’s slanted hazel eyes. The boy got even taller in the three years Jensen didn’t see him.

“Chad told me where to find you,” Jared mumbles quietly. “He said if he has to put up with Chris and Steve for the night, you have to talk to me.”

Jensen just nods. He’s too shocked to speak right now.

Jared shuffles nervously. “My mom sent you that text. Back when I was in the hospital. I guess she thought that if I wasn’t dating you I wouldn’t be gay anymore. She said she did it for me.”

“You called her?”

“She called me. I didn’t tell her I’d spoke to you. After I found out what she did, I didn’t want her getting any more ideas about getting rid of you.”

Jensen takes an awkward step back and then he needs to sit down, so he just turns away back to the living room.

“I thought your mom liked me,” he says as he sits back down on the couch. Sharon never seemed to mind when Jensen came over to see Jared and they ended up making out in the backyard. She’d just roll her eyes and smile and tell them dinner was ready.

“She did. But I think she just wants my life to be easy, normal. I think she still thinks that being gay is a choice.”

Jensen snorts at that. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before, mostly from Chris’ mom in the last couple years.

“I’m sorry I let her push you away,” Jared says softly. “If I’d known she was doing that…”

Jensen looks up at him then. “What would you have done, Jared? You seemed to think that I was the one to blame for what happened.”

“Because my mom told me it was you.” Jared sighs. “When I told my mom that it was the lacrosse team, she apparently thought I mean _all_ of the lacrosse team. She didn’t bother to think that you weren’t part of it.”

“But you thought that, too, Jared. You thought that I had done that to you.” That’s the part that Jensen can’t wrap his head around, that Jared thought he would be capable of something like that.

“I didn’t think you actually beat me up, I never thought that, I thought maybe you just decided I wasn’t worth the hassle. I never saw you again, I thought that meant that you didn’t want to be with me anymore,” Jared says and he sounds miserable. “And then I overheard my parents talking to someone, I don’t know who, and they said that you’d just left me there, in that classroom.”

Jensen jumps to his feet. “No! No, Jared, I didn’t, I swear to you I didn’t do that. I fought them off, I called the ambulance, went to the hospital with you. I was right next to you the whole way.”

“I don’t remember,” Jared’s voice trembles. “I don’t remember that day at all, and they’re my parents. It never occurred to me that they could be lying, and God, Jensen, the only thing I wanted was you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Jensen takes a step closer; he can’t seem to help himself. “Why didn’t you call me? All you had to do was call.”

Jared sniffs. “My parents took away my phone and computer. They said it was to help me get better faster. And then when you didn’t come by the hospital, or the house, I just assumed that…that you didn’t want me anymore, that what happened was too much for you to deal with or something.”

“Jesus, Jared.” Jensen can’t stop himself. He reaches forward and pulls Jared into his arms. He doesn’t put up a fight, simply melts into Jensen’s arms like he’s finally home. Jared’s tears start almost as soon as Jensen touches him, and Jensen shushes him, holding on as tight as he can, while still allowing Jared to breathe.

After a few minutes, Jared starts to tremble and Jensen leads him to the couch, sitting them both down, but still keeping his arms around the younger boy.

“What happened that day, Jensen?” Jared asks once his tears have subsided.

Jensen takes a deep breath. He hasn’t talked about that day in...actually, he’s never talked about that day. He kept everything bottled up, and when his parents asked what happened, asked about Jared, he just told them he didn’t want to talk about it. They respected him enough to allow him to keep his silence.

“We’d just finished lacrosse practice,” he starts slowly. “We were in the locker room and Milo came in. He’d missed practice and I expected Justin to go off at him, bitch him out for skipping. But he didn’t, he just smiled and asked him if everything was good to go. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.”

“Milo was in the art room with me. He said he was working on an extra credit project,” Jared says quietly and Jensen nods.

“Yeah, I figured something like that was going on. I asked what was happening, and Justin said he had a surprise for the team, and he led us to the art room. I knew you were inside, you texted earlier to tell me where to pick you up. I stopped him, asked him what he thought he was doing, and he told me…” Jensen trails off, has to fight to keep his feelings under control, “he told me it was time I proved where my loyalties lie, with the team, or with you.”

Jared gasps. “He knew?”

Jensen nods again. “Apparently, someone saw us together, I don’t know where; don’t know when, but yeah. And the team was not happy. Justin said I had to choose – you or them.”

“What did you say?”

Jensen glares at the top of his head when Jared had slouched down close to him on the couch. “You seriously have to ask me that?” Jared shrugs and Jensen pulls him closer. “I chose you, dumbass.”

“Oh.” The word is said so quietly, Jensen wonders if he just imagines it.

“Justin was mad, said I was gonna regret what I’d just done, and he opened the door to the room and they all swarmed inside. I couldn’t see you through the team, couldn’t get to you before Justin threw the first punch. Sandy was in the darkroom across the hall, and she came out when she heard everyone talking, so I told her to go get help, then I went after Justin.”

“You went after Justin?” There’s awe in Jared’s voice and Jensen doesn’t think he deserves it.

He laughs. “I tried, didn’t get very far. Tom and Milo held me back while the rest of the team beat on you, they made me watch. God, the nightmares I’ve had from that day.” Jensen shivers and Jared’s arms wrap around him. “Once Justin had his fill of you, he turned on me.”

“He beat you up?”

“He did more than that, Jared.” Jensen swallows hard. “They got me down on the floor, held me there, and Justin stomped on my hand, over and over and over again. He shattered most of the bones. I was in a cast for months, had to have this brace thing made for me. I had to go to physical therapy to get back the use of my hand.” He pauses, because this bit is going to be the worst for Jared to hear. And for Jensen to say. “I lost my scholarship, Jared.”

Jared sits up so fast Jensen loses his balance and falls against the couch cushions. “That’s why you’re here and not at Duke.”

Jensen sits up again and shrugs. “Can’t play with a busted hand, Jared, and it took more than a year before I was able to take the brace off. I had to look around more colleges, find somewhere that would give me at least a partial academic scholarship. You know my parents can’t afford to pay full tuition.”

“Jensen, I’m so sorry,” Jared tells him, getting up to pace the room.

“What the hell are you apologizing for? It’s not like you did it.”

“But it was because of me, because you were dating me. He never would have done that otherwise.”

“Jared, I don’t care. I don’t care if you choice is you or lacrosse, you or college, you or all the fucking money in the world, the answer will always be _you_.”

Jared’s eyes were brimming with tears again. “Why didn’t you come back? You never came back home.”

Jensen ducks his head, embarrassed. “I know. I didn’t want to go back to Texas until I had everything worked out, until I’d made something of myself. Until I deserved to be with you again.”

“You…you waited for me, didn’t you?” There’s that awed tone in Jared’ voice again.

“Jay, I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen years old. That didn’t go away just because you refused to talk to me.”

“Why not? Most people would have forgotten all about their high school boyfriend when they finally made it to college.”

An uncomfortable feeling rolls in Jensen’s stomach. “Is that…is that what you did?”

Jared laughs, but it almost hurts Jensen’s ears to hear it. “God, I didn’t even have friends, never mind a boyfriend.”

Jensen frowns. “What about Sandy? AJ?”

Jared shakes his head. “After the attack, it took me a really long time to recover, I missed a lot of school and I had to repeat my sophomore year.”

Oh. That’s why Jared’s only a freshman.

“When I went back to school in the fall, it was like I was a leper. No one wanted anything to do with me; no one would talk to me. Sandy just sneered at me from across the room, and I never knew what I’d done to upset her so much.”

“Jared.” Jensen’s voice is soft because he’s afraid he’ll burst into tears if he speaks any louder.

Jared just nods his head, staring at his hands as he fusses with the sleeve of his shirt. “After I talked to my mom, I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that it was because she told people that you did it, that you were part of the attack. You know Sandy always thought we were a great couple, so I can understand her being upset if she thought I was blaming you. And everyone else.” Jared sighs. “But I got through it, you know? ‘Cause I thought, college would be better. It had to be better than that.”

Jensen rushes to him, cups Jared’s face in his hands. “Yes, Jared, yes, it’ll be better. I promise you, it will be so much better.”

Jared raises shiny eyes to Jensen. “Because you’ll be here?”

Jensen smiles a little sadly. “Jared, you don’t need me to make you happy.”

Jared huffs a sigh. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve just said? You’re the only thing that makes me happy.”

Jensen doesn’t have time to think before Jared leans in and kisses him and all thoughts fall out of his head.

It’s like coming home, like the final piece of the puzzle that is Jensen’s life has finally fallen into place.

The kiss could last for seconds or hours, Jensen has no idea, but finally he pulls back to look at Jared, using his thumbs to wipe away the last of the tears clinging to Jared’s cheeks.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers, scared to speak any louder in case he shatters the moment.

Jared looks devastated. “Jen, I’ve been such an idiot. I’ve hurt you so much, how can you even _start_ to forgive me?”

Jensen smiles and pulls him close again, pressing one chaste kiss to Jared’s lips.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says honestly. “There’s blame on all sides of this, okay? Me, Justin, your parents. But you… _you_ are the victim in this, okay? I don’t want you blaming yourself for anything that happened.”

“But, Jensen, I thought you left me there, all this time I thought you walked away and left me for them to…” Jared trails off and shakes his head. “How can you forgive me for that?”

“Because I love you,” Jensen says forcefully, praying for Jared to understand. “It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the last three years, all I care about is that you’re here now and we’re together again.”

Jensen pauses and pulls back, because, despite the kiss that would point to the contrary, Jared hasn’t said anything about the two of them being together again, and the last thing Jensen wants is to push Jared into something he doesn’t want.

He clears his throat. “I mean, um, that is, if that’s what you want. If you just want to be friends, that’s…I can accept that. Just…fuck, Jared, I’ll take you any way I can get you.”

Jared steps forward, closing in on Jensen’s space. “You’ll take me any way you can get me, huh?”

Jensen swallows hard at the undisguised lust in Jared’s eyes. His boyfriend sure has grown up a lot in the last three years, and it’s taking all of Jensen’s resolve not to whimper at the idea of getting to know that body all over again.

He nods slowly in answer to Jared’s question, because he’s having a little trouble with words.

“Then how about you take me to your bedroom and you show me all those ways?”

Jensen groans. “Oh, fuck, yes.”

Their lips crash together again as Jensen leads them through the house, pausing every now and then to make out against whatever vertical surface they come into contact with.

Jared pushes him up against the door to Chris and Steve’s bedroom, and Jensen is sorely tempted to just push his way into the room – it’s closer than his after all, and he damn well knows that they’ll have everything he’s sure he and Jared will need – but he can’t promise that Chris and Steve have changed their sheets lately. And that is just not something he wants to deal with.

Instead, he pushes Jared back, making him stumble as he guides him down the hall to his bedroom and they practically crash through the door, landing on his bed in a heap.

Jared laughs, his face buried in the crook of Jensen’s neck. “Fuck, we’re so fucking elegant at this.”

“I really don’t give a shit about elegance right now, Jared. Not when I have you in my arms for the first time in three years.” It’s corny and sappy, Jensen knows, but he doesn’t much care when he sees Jared’s eyes go soft and there’s a small smile playing at his lips.

They help each other out of their clothes, and Jared is laughing and smiling in between his moans every time Jensen sucks a new hickey somewhere on his body, and the sound is like music to Jensen’s ears. After going for so long without hearing Jared’s voice, he could be reciting the alphabet and Jensen wouldn’t care.

But now is not the time to be thinking about Jared talking. Right now, Jensen wants Jared to be writhing and moaning and cursing the air blue as they reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies.

He slides his way down Jared’s body, pausing every now and then to kiss and bite the sweat slicked skin beneath him, until he reaches Jared’s cock, lying hard and heavy against his stomach, already leaking pre-come.

Jensen licks him front root to tip, swirling his tongue around the head, chuckling at Jared’s curses.

“Fuck, Jensen, God!” Jared cries as Jensen sucks him down. “Please tell me you have something in here.”

Jensen sucks Jared for a few more seconds, enjoying the taste he’s missed so much, before he pulls off with an obscene pop.

“No condoms,” he tells Jared. He’s been celibate for the last three years, what the hell did he need condoms for? But now he’s wondering if this will mean Jared will want to call the whole thing off. Or at least put it on hold until one of them can run to the drug store.

Jensen holds in a whine. The thought of trying to get back into his jeans is not a pleasant one.

But Jared’s laughing, and Jensen hopes that’s a good sign.

“Jesus, Jensen, we lost our virginities to each other, and neither of us has ever been with anyone else. What the hell do we need condoms for?” He lifts his head off the bed so that he can look down the length of his body to Jensen. His eyes sparkle in the muted sunlight coming through the drapes. “You think you’re gonna get me pregnant, Jen?”

Jensen doesn’t answer. Instead, he sucks Jared down again; hollowing his cheeks reaching between Jared’s spread legs to rub his finger against Jared’s tightly furled hole.

“Holy shit!” Jared all but screams. He tries to thrust his hips up, trying to force himself deeper down Jensen’s throat and Jensen pulls off.

He laughs at Jared’s whine.

“Patience,” he insists as he makes his way back up Jared’s body until he’s hovering over the younger boy. “Can’t have all the fun end so soon.”

He kisses Jared, hard and deep, then reaches across to the nightstand and taking a tube of KJ Jelly from the drawer.

Jared spreads his legs in anticipation.

“Want something, Jay?”

“Oh, God, please,” Jared begs, throwing his head back against the pillow and Jensen takes advantage, biting at the exposed skin as he coats his fingers with lube and reaches down between their bodies.

When Jensen pushes his finger into that tight ring of muscle and breaches Jared’s body, his boyfriend lets out a low groan, but there’s a smile on his face, like he’s been waiting for this, like this is the one thing he’s always wanted. He thrusts his hips down; fucking himself on Jensen’s fingers as Jensen slowly stretches him.

He takes his time preparing Jared, using more lube than he can ever remember them using in the past. But it’s been three years, they’ve been celibate for those three years and Jensen is going to do all it takes to make sure Jared is as ready as he can be. The last thing he wants to do is fuck something up and hurt Jared even more than he already has.

He’s got three fingers inside Jared, scissoring them apart, stretching the muscle, when Jared claws at his shoulder.

“I’m ready,” he pants. “I’m ready, fuck, just…please, I need you.”

Jensen just nods; he doesn’t have the words right now. He pulls his fingers out. Jared whines at the loss and Jensen soothes him with a few short kisses.

The first thrust has Jared screaming, his back arching in the most erotic way, and Jensen’s pretty damn glad that the rest of his housemates have fucked off somewhere. Although, part of him wishes they were around to hear this. After three years of listening to Steve and Chris going at it every night, he deserves some sort of payback. Maybe Jared will help out with that at some point in the not too distant future.

He holds himself as still as he can while Jared’s adjusts to the feeling of being filled again, but soon – a lot sooner than Jensen would have thought – Jared starts rolling his hips, trying to fuck himself on Jensen’s cock until he huffs in frustration.

“Come on, Jensen, it’s not like you forgot the steps to this dance.”

Jensen laughs and bends down until he can kiss Jared, sucking on Jared’s tongue when he pushes it into Jensen’s mouth. Then he gets with the program, pulling out almost all the way before he thrusts back in, capturing Jared’s moans in his mouth.

He finds a rhythm, nearly punishing, fucking into Jared with almost wild abandon. He wanted to make this last, their first time together in so long, Jensen had wanted to make it at least a little special, but he’s too turned on, too far gone now to pull back and slow down.

Not that Jared seems to care. He’s writhing and cursing beneath Jensen, his legs wrapped tight around Jensen’s waist and his hands are leaving scratch marks on Jensen’s back that he’s going to feel for days. Jensen can’t bring himself to care.

He reaches that peak all too soon, he can feel his orgasm building at the base of his spine and he props himself up on one elbow so that he can reach a hand between them and wrap it around Jared’s cock.

It doesn’t take must more than a few sharp pulls and Jensen angling for that hidden spot deep inside Jared’s body before Jared comes, coating Jensen’s hand and both their stomachs as he screams long and loud, like he just can’t hold it in.

He reaches his hands down to grip Jensen’s ass, pulling him harder as he thrusts into Jared’s body. One finger trails down the crack of Jensen’s ass until it reaches his hole. Jared doesn’t push his finger inside, but the pressure is enough for Jensen and he comes with a choked off cry, emptying himself inside Jared’s body and burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“Damn, I forgot how good we were at that,” Jared pants and Jensen can’t help but laugh.

He pulls out slowly, wincing in sympathy when Jared hisses at the loss, and finds his t-shirt on the floor to clean them up with.

Once they’ve both got their breath back, Jared cuddles closer, resting his head on Jensen’s chest and throwing and arm over his waist. “I think I missed this more than the sex,” he mumbles in a quiet voice.

Jensen combs his fingers through Jared’s messy hair and kisses the top of his head. “Think I just missed you. Everything about you.”

“I can’t believe you waited for me all this time.”

Jensen shrugs. “Maybe I like you or something.” He can feel Jared’s body shake as he laughs and he pulls him closer.

They lapse into silence after that, and Jensen just basks in the knowledge that Jared is right back where he’s supposed to be, that his life can finally start moving again after three years on hiatus as he waited for Jared to come back to him.

He’s just started to doze off when Jared’s fingertips start trailing random patterns on Jensen’s chest and Jensen is instantly awake again, because he knows this behavior. It’s the same thing Jared did when he got worried about Jensen dating someone so much younger, when he started worrying about what they would do when Jensen left for college.

Jensen had managed to alleviate those fears with relative ease, and he just hopes that this was going to be just as easy.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, soothing the question with a kiss to the top of Jared’s head.

“What am I going to do about my parents?”

Maybe it won’t be so easy after all.

Jensen sighs and shifts them both until they’re lying on the bed side by side.

“Jared, you know I would never push you on anything like that. I didn’t do it back then, and I’m not going to do it now. If you don’t want to tell your parents, then I’m fine with that.”

Jared shakes his head. “I’m not keeping you a secret, Jen. I wouldn’t do that.”

Jensen nods, because he does know that. It had been Jared’s argument back in the beginning, too, when Jensen had been worried about Jared’s parents being concerned that their son was not only gay, but dating a guy two years older than him.

“It’s just…they obviously don’t like the fact that I’m gay, otherwise they wouldn’t have tried to get rid of you in the first place.”

Jensen cups Jared’s face in his hand. “That doesn’t mean they won’t learn to accept it. They were fine when we were dating in high school, and they’ll soon get used to the idea again.”

“I told my mom I needed some time, when she called earlier and told me what she did, I told her I needed some time.”

“Okay, and maybe this will make her realize that she could lose you if she doesn’t learn to accept you for who you are.”

Jared looks up at him and his bright hazel eyes are swimming with tears. “What if she can’t do that? What if she doesn’t want to accept me for who I am or who I’m in love with?”

“Well, then, that’s okay, too. ‘Cause you’ll have me, and my parents, and Chad and Chris and Kristin and all the other people you’ve met who I know you’ve made an impression on already because they already love you.”

“They do?”

Jensen nods. “You really think Chad and Chris would have gone to the trouble of setting us up like that in your dorm room if Chad didn’t already think you were awesome?”

Jared smiles. “I like Chad, he’s kinda cool.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Oh, God, I’ve lost you already.”

“I said he was kind of cool, not so hot it should be illegal, or so amazingly sweet he could give me cavities.”

“I do not give you cavities; stop talking about me like I’m a Tootsie Pop.”

“Mmm, but I like licking you until I can get to the center.”

“That was so very lame, Jared, I’m embarrassed for you.”

But he doesn’t really care, because Jared was licking down his chest and Jensen figures he could be a Tootsie Pop for a while.

**Epilogue**

“Anyone heard from Jensen?” Danneel asks from across the table and Chad chokes a little on the beer he’s drinking.

Beer. Because he’s not DD tonight, thank you very much. As the second youngest of the group, it’s Sophia’s turn to make sure they all get home in one piece and she’s glaring daggers at them every time someone refills their glass from the pitcher in the middle of the table.

Sucks to be her.

From his seat next to Steve, Chris shrugs and catches Chad’s eye. “Haven’t seen him since I dropped him off after lacrosse practice.”

Chad knows that look all too well: _keep your fucking mouth shut, boy_.

Not that Chad was about to tell anyone what was going on. He hasn’t heard from either Jensen or Jared since Jared came back to their dorm room and demanded to know where Jensen lived.

That was almost six hours ago, and Chad figures that if he hadn’t seen the love of his life for so long, he’d take some time spend with them, too.

“Well, his phone is off,” Danneel practically pouts. “He never just turns his phone off except when he’s studying and classes haven’t even started yet so it’s not like he has that excuse.”

“Any of you think I might be getting laid and didn’t want the interruption?”

Genevieve snorts. “No, ‘cause when was the last time that happened? Oh, yeah, never.”

She pauses for a second, and Chad can see the moment it clicks in her head that Jensen was the one to have spoken and she turns towards the end of the table, where Jared and Jensen are standing, looking pretty fucking smug with themselves.

Chad laughs. Yeah, Jensen definitely got laid alright. He might never have actually seen what Jensen looked like right after he got laid, but he thinks it might be something like this.

Or this could just be the glow of finally having his boyfriend back after three years.

“Who’s this?” Danneel asks with a frown, like she’s upset that Jensen met someone she doesn’t know.

Jensen laughs, but he doesn’t answer her right away. “Jay, you know Chad and Sophia and Kristin.” Jensen points at them each in turn, even though Sophia looks more than a little confused. “And I’m not sure you met earlier, but this is Chris, my best friend.”

Chris smiles. “Hey, man, nice to finally meet you.”

Jared nods. “Likewise.”

“And that’s Steve, Chris’ boyfriend. And the guy whose lap Kristen is currently occupying is Mike. And the two girls are my other two roommates, Danneel and Genevieve.” He smiles and Chad can practically see the happiness radiating off of him. “Guys this is-”

Sophia cuts him off and Chad sort of wants to strangle her.

“Wait, why are _you_ introducing Chad’s new roommate to everyone? It’s not like you know the guy.”

“Wait, _do_ you know him?” Mike asks.

Chad can see from his place at the end of the table that Jared and Jensen are holding hands, but he’s not sure this piece of information has registered with the rest of the table. And anyway, it’s way too much fun to watch their confusion.

“Guys, this is Jared Padalecki.”

Sophia rolls her eyes. “Yes, we know that.”

Jensen smirks, like he knows what his revelation is going to do to his friends. “He’s that boyfriend I’ve been telling y’all about.”

Jared lifts his free hand and waves, a little shyly, Chad notices. “Hey.”

The whole table is silent as they stare at the couple. And then Danneel falls off the stool she’s been sitting on.

Everyone’s laughs, but Chad’s pretty sure than no one laughs as much as Jared and Jensen.

  



End file.
